Surrendering to my body has been the theme of the last week. The first couple of weeks, I wanted to do, do anything and everything that would speed up my recovery so I could get on with my life, until I realized THIS is my life, being present in my body, on this journey, right here, right now. I have learned there is nothing for me to do and every time I try and do something, I resist being where I am, in my body. I haven’t liked where I am very much, in my pain body, ego driven, thinking constantly about myself and how I can change it. It is a resistant, rejecting way of living and it does nothing but create more defences, tension and angst. It’s reasonable that I don’t like the infections, having a catheter still, having an allergic reaction to something I can’t live without and being so dependent.
It’s all enhanced by my reality that I am officially an empty nester as my youngest son moved to Toronto to pursue his dream, a moment I would have liked to be mobile for, to celebrate with him. I had wants, that I even framed as needs in my desperation to be any where but where I am. My story sounds much like this: I need to be strong and healthy so I can be present in these aspects of life that are so important to me. Lost in my story, I seemed to forget that I am not the sole driver of my life and that when I connect back in to my soul driver, the one that is connected with all, I am reminded of the universal plan, the energy that flows with ease between all of us, the energy that I could feel and see when I looked into the eyes of love and held the hands of compassion that took my unbearable pain away in the last few weeks and brought me back to my breath, my soul, where magic happens and all is possible.
This week I have learned that when I surrender into my being, magic does happen, doors open, possibilities are endless and I don’t have to figure anything out, I just need to be with me, breathing in and breathing out. Today I practice being…breathing in all life has to offer, breathing out all resistance. Today I am grateful for this experience because I am learning even when it comes to healing my own body, the most effective strategy is to DO nothing, trusting that BEING with me allows the universe and all the beauty in it to flow through me, healing my body realigning it in a way that I can’t even begin to understand how, never mind know what to do. Today, I let go and let God. I am grateful for all of you on this journey being with me, wherever I am, wherever you are…together we make magic when we get out of our own way!
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